A Day At The Beach, AKA The Greatest Story Ever Written Ever by Zack Mayo and Four Other Students in my English Class. But Mostly Zack Mayo.

In my English class, I was tasked to write a story with four other classmates with the topic simply being 'A Day At The Beach.' This is what we came up with.




Once upon a time, a man with a shadowy past named Johnny Crunch took a day off from his job in the factory to take his family to a day at the beach. Johnny, his wife, his son, and his dog all walked from their apartment to the nearby shore. Once they arrived, Johnny's son asked him to get an ice cream cone for him. Johnny leaves his family.
Meanwhile, less than a mile offshore, Captain Morgan, captain of the Barrel, a thousand foot pirate yacht realizes that his ship is completely dry. To replenish his stock of booze, he sends his evil henchmen, the Rum Runners, to go ashore and pillage. Dozens of Rum Runners ride ashore on their jetskis. The Rum Runners rape, pillage, and plunder everything in sight in their search for booze. When they stumble upon Johnny's wife, they brutally attack and rape her. The dog attacks one of the assailants, killing him. The Rum Runners shoot the dog 1,000 times, leave the wife, and kidnap the son as payment for their fallen comrade. Just as the Rum Runners are leaving, Johnny Crunch returns with an ice cream cone to find his dog slaughtered, his wife raped, and his son being kidnapped. In tears, he drops the ice cream cone. Johnny is then snapped from his trance like state by the dying words from his wife, "Save him Johnny, please!" Johnny promises he will save their son, and runs from the beach to prepare.
On the Barrel, Captain Morgan and his second-in-command, First Mate Swallows, finish directing the loading of the alcohol when they are brought the boy. "He's fabulous," said First Mate Swallows, "can I keep him?" Captain Morgan slaps First Mate Swallows hard across the face and says, "No, he will not be tainted by your vile touch, he stays with me!" First Mate Swallows runs off crying.
Back on the beach, Johnny Crunch has finished his preparations and commandeers the jetski of the fallen Rum Runner and rides into the night. He pulls his jetski alongside the massive pirate yacht and pulls out his grappling hook. Johnny throws the hook over the side of the railing and climbs up. He vaults over the railing, pulls out two pistols, and shouts "IT'S CRUNCH TIME, BITCHES!" Two Rum Runners run to investigate the noise, and Johnny shoots them simultaneously. Johnny then enters the nearest room and begins blasting. Rum Runners in the room are screaming and shouting, but few are able to return fire before Johnny Crunch picks them off with pin point accuracy. Johnny walks up to one of the wounded Rum Runners and asks where his son is. The Rum Runner points to some stairs, leading to the lower deck of the ship. Johnny thanks the Rum Runner by shooting him in the head.
At that moment, First Mate Swallows bursts into the room with twenty more Rum Runners all armed to the teeth. Johnny combat rolls behind a marble statue of Captain Morgan. As pieces of the statue crumble around him, Johnny pulls the pin on a grenade and tosses it behind him. It explodes, killing most of the Rum Runners. First Mate Swallows escapes down the stairs. Johnny finishes off the remaining Rum Runners with ease and proceeds down the stairs as well.
Johnny arrives at the end of the corridor and enters the room.
There's a naked woman tied to the wall in the back, with First Mate Swallows, Captain Morgan, and Johnny's son standing in the middle. Captain Morgan has a gun to the boys head. "Shoot him, Swallows!" shouts Captain Morgan, but Johnny was too fast, and shot First Mate Swallows in the chest. He fell. Captain Morgan then pushes the boy and points at Johnny, but once again, Johnny was too fast, and shot Captain Morgan in the head. Captain Morgan fell alongside First Mate Swallows. Johnny's son then runs to hug Johnny, shouting "Daddy!" A gun shot sounds. The boy falls. First Mate Swallows drops the gun, still laying on the floor. Johnny walks up to him, sticks the gun in his mouth, and says "Swallow this!" and fires. Swallows' head rolls off. Johnny then gets up and walks to the naked woman and unties her. She thanks him, introduces herself as Destiny, and asks his name. "I'm the new captain of this vessel. You can call me Crunch, Captain Crunch. Let's go, it's Crunch time."