So being that I live in South Florida and I have a blog, I have to write about LeBron. I don't really know what to say. I have no legitimate predictions to make. I have very little knowledge of basketball outside of playing pickup and playing NBA and NCAA games with my brother growing up. My favorite sports movie IS Hoosiers though. I can barely name the positions on a basketball team(Forward, Power Forward, Guard, Pointguard, and Center?). I've been to one Heat game in my life, Wade and Shaq were out that day. I couldn't have told you what team Bosh played for a month ago. I did watch Shaq when he signed with the Heat, and I watched the playoff run the year the heat won the championship. I can't remember the specific year the Heat won the championship. I still call Kobe a rapist. I also yell "Kobe" when I'm shooting projectiles into a garbage can. I like Steve Nash. My best moment in basketball was a block on my brothers roommate in a pickup game at Leach in Tallahassee. These are my credentials on the topic of basketball.
That being said, suck on LeBron James' massive penis all the rest of you 49 and 1/2 states. South Florida is better than all of you at basketball. My left nut and a water skiing squirrel could suit up for the 4th and 5th spot on that roster and that team would still have a legitimate shot at winning, assuming my left nut doesn't get into foul trouble early. I'm going to go make a new ps3 gamertag called Heat_Fan1990(FlaboyantHomo is getting old) and go buy the next NBA game that comes out and I will play as the Heat every fucking game. I'm going to watch Heat games now, not just the one on Christmas. I'm going to buy Heat apparel. I will get on the bandwagon, and then I will put a Fathead of Wade and Bosh the sides while I make love to the LeBron one. I will go get three fish and name them Wade, Bosh, and LeBron. I won't feed one if it scores under 25 points a game. I'm going to go pay 170 dollars for a LeBron jersey first chance I get. I'm going to go to more than one game this season. I will pay the 99 dollars for a medium soda and popcorn and I will not bitch about it. I will get "Taking my talents to South Beach" tattooed on my lower back. I will laugh in the face of New Englanders and New Yorkers when they hate on the Heat. I will support LeBron/Wade/Bosh the next time the do something illegal or immoral publicly. I will make my friends come over to watch Heat games, even though we all hate basketball. I will make absurd comparisons about LeBron and Jordan even though I don't remember watching Jordan play growing up, but I could probably quote most of Space Jam. I will talk to random strangers wearing Heat apparel and say things like "Go Heat" or "Pat Riley is God" to which they will reply "I can't hear you, I'm mowing your lawn." or "Amen." I will write poetry about the Three Kings of Miami, and then go to games and burn it in my seat because it does not compare to the art I'm witnessing before me. I will update my status about bad calls in Heat games, even though I know no one cares. Similar to getting American citizenship because my mother illegally crossed the border to have me born here, I will be the son of a man from Kansas City, Missouri and a woman from Detroit, Michigan, and I will be a fan of the greatest dynasty in basketball history, I will be a MIAMI HEAT FAN!!!! SUCK MY BALLS FANS OF OTHER TEAMS, SUCK MY BALLS!
That being said, suck on LeBron James' massive penis all the rest of you 49 and 1/2 states. South Florida is better than all of you at basketball. My left nut and a water skiing squirrel could suit up for the 4th and 5th spot on that roster and that team would still have a legitimate shot at winning, assuming my left nut doesn't get into foul trouble early. I'm going to go make a new ps3 gamertag called Heat_Fan1990(FlaboyantHomo is getting old) and go buy the next NBA game that comes out and I will play as the Heat every fucking game. I'm going to watch Heat games now, not just the one on Christmas. I'm going to buy Heat apparel. I will get on the bandwagon, and then I will put a Fathead of Wade and Bosh the sides while I make love to the LeBron one. I will go get three fish and name them Wade, Bosh, and LeBron. I won't feed one if it scores under 25 points a game. I'm going to go pay 170 dollars for a LeBron jersey first chance I get. I'm going to go to more than one game this season. I will pay the 99 dollars for a medium soda and popcorn and I will not bitch about it. I will get "Taking my talents to South Beach" tattooed on my lower back. I will laugh in the face of New Englanders and New Yorkers when they hate on the Heat. I will support LeBron/Wade/Bosh the next time the do something illegal or immoral publicly. I will make my friends come over to watch Heat games, even though we all hate basketball. I will make absurd comparisons about LeBron and Jordan even though I don't remember watching Jordan play growing up, but I could probably quote most of Space Jam. I will talk to random strangers wearing Heat apparel and say things like "Go Heat" or "Pat Riley is God" to which they will reply "I can't hear you, I'm mowing your lawn." or "Amen." I will write poetry about the Three Kings of Miami, and then go to games and burn it in my seat because it does not compare to the art I'm witnessing before me. I will update my status about bad calls in Heat games, even though I know no one cares. Similar to getting American citizenship because my mother illegally crossed the border to have me born here, I will be the son of a man from Kansas City, Missouri and a woman from Detroit, Michigan, and I will be a fan of the greatest dynasty in basketball history, I will be a MIAMI HEAT FAN!!!! SUCK MY BALLS FANS OF OTHER TEAMS, SUCK MY BALLS!
No comments:
Post a Comment