My time in an English Pub...in Boca Raton, Florida.

It's been awhile since I've posted anything, but I was definitely inspired by my time at the local English pub. The Lion and Eagle! I'd never been in there before and today Ireland played France. I got out of POS1001 and knew that I must see the game. I'm going to be spending some time in ireland this summer and I knew it was time to man up. I was sporting my Celtic jersey, and my Irish hat, and walked up to the pub hoping the IRA hadn't killed any cops recently. After briefly entering the wrong establishment in confusion, a nice Ukrainian gentlemen pointed me to the right door. Great start. I entered.

First of all, it was crowded as fuck. Slovenia was playing Russia, Portugal was playing Boznia, and Ukraine had just lost to Greece. Needless to say, there were lots of foreigners. I walked up to the barman and my first question was answered, "do english people really run the bar?", they do, his accent was awesome. I ordered a coke and landed myself in the middle of the bar, standing between a bunch of dark skinned frenchmen. I only wish someone had a camera to capture how utterly uncomfortable I was, standing there with both hands on my drink, sipping my coke from a straw, sandwiched between these french people. I texted my brother about my visit and he informed me that I should have just ordered a beer. I rationalized, I drove here, and it's 3:30, probly best I stuck with the coke.

That argument lasted about 5 minutes, when the french guys left and I got a spot with my irish comrades. There was probably about 15 irish fans and I started to make friendly with two guys in their thirties. Both of them were from south florida and we started chatting about the experience. Then we scored! The crowd erupts! The english feller at the bar exclaims, "last I checked this was an english bar", in jest. Everyone is happy. My new irish buddy offers to buy a round for the two of us. The barman asks what we're drinkin. "Miller!" says one guy. "Bud" says the buyer. "Uhh...Coke..." I murmer.
"Coke? Jeez man, way to carpe diem there mate, you're practically in international waters here, they don't care." says the round buyer.
"Uhh...well..."
"You're a cheap ass date at least"
and the merrymaking continues...
at one point the friendly buyer had to piss and asked me to protect his spot. Well I got distracted by another game and the tallest fucker in the bar(seriously, he was like 6'7 at least) jumped in his spot. I knew I was fucked. The round buyer returned to ask if I had simply asked the tallest person I could find to steal his spot. I offered him mine and he tells I haven't learned my lesson at all, never give up your spot and to be assertive, you're a big guy.

The game goes on, and then into over time, and then disaster strikes in the form of a black french player by the name of Theirry Henry.He practically caught the ball and knocked it to his teammate to score the series winning goal. The game ended shortly after and the entire pub was crushed to see the Irish be denied by such whorish french ungodly slut jewish nazi rapist islamofascist stalinesque tactics. I say goodbye to my new mates and make for the exit. As I'm leaving I hear a toast "to the memories we've made!" by the elder irishmen at the bar. It made me smile a bit but the american anger in me was just too damn overwhelming. Injustice had conquered on this day, and americans hate injustice.

So I came out of today with a few new experiences and a few lessons learned, so I shall list them.

1) Carpe Diem. If you're in a foreign bar, you can always order beer.
2) French People are dirty and smelly.
3) English people are not to be fucked with(a man bumped into the barman and said "I didn't just bump you" to which the englishmen replied "I know when a man bumps me, for it's the last thing he'll ever do.").
4) English people don't call it sexting, they call it 'sleaze texting'.
5) Never give up your spot.
6) Sporadic racist jokes aren't looked down upon.
7) I think the jury's still out on this one but I say if he's an ass when he's sober, it doesn't necessarily make him an ass when he's drunk.
8) However tempted you are to buy the pub tshirt, you're only going to look like a douche.(I wanted one SO badly...)
9) Be ready to tell your family history on a moments notice.
And most important...
10) Always make yourself out to be a working man(CC student worked wonderfully). Lower or
lower-middle class only.